Why do Christian Marriages Fail? (Part 2)

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There is so much that can be talked about here and so much that I have already talked about. I don’t believe that there is only one thing that if you do this then your marriage will succeed but it takes a combination of things. Marriage takes work, a lot of work but it is well worth it.

If you haven’t read Why Do Christian Marriages Fail? part one then be sure to go do that first.

Another issue is addictions. This really is a big one because when you have addictions it takes from your spiritual growth. You can only grow so much when your mind has been taken over from your addictions.

It really doesn’t matter if the addictions are alcohol, drugs, sex, food etc… What does matter is letting God handle those addictions. I have had many addictions over 19 years. From age 17 until age 36. Granted there were times throughout that period where I didn’t use but it was far and in between.

My mind was consumed with the next high. It didn’t matter how I got it I just had to have it. That’s why over the years my addictions moved to many different things but all with the same result, a feeling of emptiness.

Please, whatever your stronghold is give it to God now. Don’t let another day go by with you dealing with it alone. God can wipe it clean. God may take it from you completely or he might use a program to do it. Either way you need to figure out where God is leading you on this issue.

The last issue I will talk about and of course there are many other issues but this is the biggest issue of them all. It is keeping your marriage Christ-Centered. Yes, I know I am speaking to Christians here but most don’t have their marriage centered around Christ.

When you have 2 people in a marriage and both are pursuing God together on a daily basis, nothing or no one can stop them! The key is together and daily. I hear any people teach that a married couple should do their own devotion time. I have to disagree with this to a point!

I know many people won’t believe what I am saying but yes I believe the main devotion time should be done together. Does this mean that they should not seek God in solitude? Of course not but what I am saying is the togetherness is where it is at. I truly believe that how much time you spend in solitude with God, you should spend equally if not more with your spouse and God.

Again, I know this advice isn’t what you are used to but as Dr. Phil says “How’s that working for you?” Before you say I am wrong, ask yourself what if I am right? My wife and I have been married for almost 10 years and we spend 24/7 together with the exception of less than 1000 hours in those years.

I know one of the things we have solid ground on is spending time with God together. I can’t emphasize this more. God wants us as married couples to grow in Christ TOGETHER!

Think about it this way. Many people show the triangle with God on top and husband and wife at the other corners. They show that when the two of you grow toward God, you also in turn grow closer together. Here is what they leave out on that chart. If one of you is growing towards God but the other isn’t, you are actually growing further apart.

After you read this just make a triangle and see for yourself. This is one of the reasons why I believe that a husband and wife need that devotion time together. It creates a togetherness that nothing can stop.

God says for us to become one but if we are always doing our own things including devotion time then we are not in oneness but living independently.

Do you know why it is so hard for people not to live as independent people? We are so brainwashed all of our lives that we have to be independent. Parents tell us be sure you can make it on your own. Never depend on a spouse. Society really pushes this on us all and I am not saying this is bad but here is what happens; we get married with this mindset instead of the mindset of living interdependently and we destroy the marriage.

Marriage is about two people living as interdependent people not independent and not even dependent. It is all about interdependence. When was the last time someone taught about interdependence within a marriage? I haven’t heard that much at all.

Most teach the two extremes and that is either being independent or being dependent. Both in my eyes are the wrong advice. You may not agree with this and that’s fine. You can just take what you agree with that I write and disregard what you don’t. But if it makes a little sense then try and work on this.

If you have a family then you also need family devotion time. It is very important in helping your child grow. You may be asking but how am I going to find all this time? That is why in Part One I talked about working too much. When you balance your life and work on working less so that you can spend that time with your family, you will have all the extra time you need.

If you are working 60-80 hours a week or more then guess what? You will not have the time to take my advice. The question then becomes what are you going to do about it? God may be challenging you right now by trying to open your heart to what I am saying.

We have to take our country back for God but we aren’t going to do it unless first we can create an environment where our families can flourish. If all of us can set that example of families flourishing then others will want to know how we are doing it. Then we can explain exactly how including talking to them about Christ and how he is the center of our marriages and families.

Will all this be hard? Yes it will and satan will tell you that it is too much or this is stupid or you can’t have that kind of family. I am telling you now, DO NOT believe that. Listen to what God is trying to speak to you about right now and then follow through.

WOW, has this been a heck of a blog post for me to write. I didn’t realize it was going to be 2 parts and really still didn’t do each thing justice including not hitting some topics. Down the road I might hit some of these points I made in their own blog post but for now this will have to do.

I know this may have been a lot for you to take in as both of the blog posts were kind of long. I hope you stuck it out with me. If you want to know some details on what exactly you can do then check out our 90 Day Marriage Plan that we created a couple of years ago. If you follow this for 90 days then we know in our hearts that your marriage will CHANGE!

That marriage plan is something that we did ourselves. You may think it is overboard but we set it up to help you change your mind, body and spirit. Unless you work all those areas nothing will change permanently.

Ask God if this marriage challenge is something that he wants you to do. Don’t commit to it unless he guides you to do it. We only want people doing this who God wants there. We realize that there are many resources and maybe he wants you to do something else because of where your heart is at this very moment.

Also, ask God to open your heart to what I have said and to show you what he wants for your marriage. Ask him to heal your marriage right now so that you can have a clean slate from this point. Don’t go anywhere until you can have a clean slate from God and your spouse.

Ask God to help you and your spouse grow in the areas that you need and to guide you to where he wants you as a couple to go. Now GO!!!

Live Boldly,

Chris Benton

Why Do Christian Marriages Fail? (Part 1)

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I believe one of the biggest reasons Christian Marriages fail is because one or both people become more selfish. When you have two people working on their relationship and one or both start making choices that put them first instead of their spouse, you have a disaster waiting to happen.

There are so many things I could talk about here but what leads to this selfishness? It is usually people starting to become numb within their marriages. As I watch many people, you can tell that the numbness has started. It isn’t something that starts right away. It is a slow thing that builds over the years and eventually makes people look at their spouses in a negative way.

Have you started the process of being numb toward your spouse? If you have you have to find a way to change this, to keep your marriage alive and thriving. Yes we all go through seasons where we just feel numb in life. The key is to not let life be the downfall of your marriage.

But what causes this numbness? Do you realize that the more you enjoy a conversation with someone of the opposite sex, the less you will start to enjoy conversations with your spouse? Many people will not agree with me here but this is the start of the numbness.

Think about this, you start talking with several people of the opposite sex through facebook and you really enjoy the conversation. Then you start to get to the point of comparing your marriage to this friendship. This starts the resentment in your marriage.

Next thing you know you meet for coffee or lunch over work or whatever and then it starts from there. Andy Stanley said in one of his sermons that of all the marriage counseling he has done where cheating was involved, all but the exception of one started either over coffee or lunch.

What happens when you develop these friendships is you start to open up to them about what is going on in your marriage. They then try to be there for you so emotions start to follow. Once you get to this point, unless you pull away you will eventually cross the line. It isn’t if but when.

A lot of people get involved in these deep conversations with this other person when they should be doing that with their spouse. Communication is the problem but they are communicating with the wrong person.

Life gets in the way a lot of times. People start to work 60+ hours a week and never spend any time together. Time is another key issue. I know people who say but we like not spending much time together, it makes us stronger. REALLY? You believe this lie that satan has on you?

I have many people tell me that their dad worked 60 hours a week and he was always there for them and their mom. Here is the problem with that logic, 20 years ago you didn’t have all this technology as you have today so people worked 60 hours a week back then and came home to be with their families.

In today’s society, you work 60 hours a week but bring home 15-20 hours of work because technology now makes this possible. Yes I know there are some jobs that this doesn’t happen but for the most part, people bring 15-20 hours a week home. So in reality you are working 75-80 hours not the 60 you thought.

You can’t make a family work when you are working like that. Many people try to prove that wrong but I haven’t seen that happen much. Yes I have seen a few exceptions to this rule but that’s not the norm!

There has to be sacrifice to make a marriage work with both parties. You may have to sacrifice your career for your family but you should never sacrifice your family for your career!

I hear people say but I want to give my family everything I didn’t have. Here is the problem, almost always this is material possessions. It has nothing to do with what really matters. Instead of giving your family everything you didn’t have, why not give them everything you did have like love?

I never hear people say they want to give their families what they did have. I know I want to give my family the love that I had growing up. I want to make sure my wife and son know that I love them and that I am willing to sacrifice lifestyle in order to be there with them.

Who is really raising your kids? Who is really being there for your spouse? If not you then who? It better be you or the day will come when you regret it.

Don’t allow this to happen to your marriage. It takes time and effort to make a marriage work. Strong Marriages don’t just happen. They happen because people are intentional about marriage.

When was the last time you had fun together? This is another issue I see in marriages. People don’t enjoy life together. Why would you want to go through your journey in life with someone you don’t want to spend time with? You don’t so make it enjoyable. You can do this. Add some pizazz in your marriage. It doesn’t take much to turn an average broken- down marriage into something where both people are excited to be together each day. It just takes some spending time together and finding ways to enjoy each other.

Another reason I think Sandy and I have a solid base is that we both are easy to please. I see people try and make their marriages work but one or both people are so hard to please that they give up trying. Don’t be this kind of spouse. Be the spouse that no matter what your loved one does, you are excited. Don’t take them for granted.

For example, there have been only 2 times where Sandy cooked something that came out badly. She doesn’t mind me sharing this by the way. One of the times was soupy stuffing. You know what we both laughed about this and guess what? I ATE it anyway and didn’t complain about it!

I know many men who would have yelled at their spouse because of that. Well if you want something a certain way then you fix it! Quit complaining whether she fixed it right or not. So many people complain about the most stupid things.

What is your common purpose in your marriage? I am not talking about raising kids here but why did God bring the two of you together? There is something that God wants to do in and through the both of you that is going to change lives. You have to figure that out so that you can start working towards that.

I will have to write a part 2 as I feel there are some things I have not hit but this blog post has gotten a little long so I will leave it at this.

Ask God to heal your marriage right now so that both you and your spouse’s heart can change. Ask God to come into the center of your marriage and guide your marriage. Let God know that from this point, your marriage is his marriage and you will follow God’s plan for your marriage.

Now go out and change the world together by first changing your marriage!

Live Boldly,

Chris Benton

Are You Playing It Safe?

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We are not called to fit in with society but to stand out. Are you playing it safe or taking a stand on issues that matter to God? There are so many people who just want to just live life, make their money, raise their kids etc…

We all want a safe life but we are not called to a safe life. Nothing significant ever came from a safe life and there is no safety in a significant life.

If you have a choice to make, you can either stand for God and risk being ridiculed or you can just do nothing and stay lukewarm! But what does the Bible say about being lukewarm?

Revelation 3:16 –  So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth.

There is a huge problem with being lukewarm, the fact that it gives non-believers something to point to to say why bother being a Christian. When you stand up many non-Christians do at least respect that. I have heard many say they just wish their Christian friends would live what they preach but sadly most don’t.

By playing it safe, you actually cause others to not want to follow Christ. There are always people who are watching you. You are showing them an example of Christ whether you realize it or not. You may be their only example they see of what a Christian is supposed to be. The big question is what are you showing them?

I have talked with different people and most have said why should I become a Christian when everyone I know who says they are a Christian lives no differently than I do?

They have a really good point. Now I understand why it’s not really the right point but I do understand why they have this logic. Many Christians have sugarcoated the message so much that they don’t even realize they are living in Sin.

I see so many Christians who believe that what they are doing is ok even though the Bible says differently. One huge thing is we have a Christian culture that says God is ok with living together but when you read the Bible that just isn’t true. It preaches the opposite of that.

Some of the biggest gossipers are in church, really if you can believe that. Look out when you see several people talking and you hear the words can you believe (he or she)! That almost always ends up in talking about someone else.

Or how people should dress in church? Really? Come on now, your job at church is to work on you not to be examining who wears what. That is between them and God. Maybe this person is starting to grow in Christ and he or she just hasn’t gotten there yet? You have no idea where their heart is.

Or maybe people see you looking down on others because of your education or status? Again, REALLY? This is pride at its extreme. I see this happen a lot. In fact I have been looked at because I am only high school educated and some people with college educations including Christians look down on me for this.

As I tell people, just because you have a formal education doesn’t mean you are educated and just because you don’t have a formal education doesn’t mean you aren’t educated. I am educated in the places I need to be.

There is a new show that aired and thank God it got cancelled called GCB. It is a show that shows all kinds of stereotypes of Christians and tries to make it in a funny way, many Christians actually watched this show and think it’s cute. Anything that downplays God and the Christian world is a sin against God PERIOD!

What are people doing out there? So many people are just living their lives and don’t care what our culture is doing. Many are even participating in these sins without even blinking an eye.

The message of God is being so watered down these days that you can’t even tell the difference between right and wrong. Right has become something to laugh at, wrong has become something to praise.

I hear so many people point to the pastors about the watered down message but they aren’t the full blame. It’s the person you look at in the mirror. We all can only be accountable to God.

We can’t make others accountable to him. When we stand up and live in such a way that spreads God’s glorious message, people will take notice. When Christians start living the way Christians are supposed to, that is when we will see more non-Christians become Christians.

I read a lot of stuff and the biggest thing I see happening in our culture is a lot of the Christian world preaches to people then they in turn are doing exactly what they are preaching against!

Don’t live what you preach, preach what you live. Therefore live right so that you can preach right. You will take more people down with your closet sin than you will gain with your preaching!

It’s time for a new awaking in the Christian community! A new way of life. A way to change this world by changing ourselves first. If we are going to do anything significant for God we must get our own house in order.

Why would God grab you and have you change the world when you aren’t on your knees asking for his forgiveness of your sins? When you clear the way for your heart to be changed, you clear the way for God to be able to use you in a mighty way.

There are so many things I could add to this post but I know you get my point. We all including myself have to do more for God. We have to stand for what’s right while living in the right way. We are to change our hearts toward God so that when we talk with people, we can say I know what you are feeling, I have been there.

Our testimony is the most powerful thing we can share to help others see change. When they see us change they know they can too. It’s about reaching one hand to God and taking the other hand and reaching it down to someone else to lift them up.

Can we change everyone? NO and we don’t do the changing but we can share and talk to a few around us and tell our stories and by being the messenger of hope, we can deliver the message of God to them in a way that allows God to work in their lives.

Are you ready to make a difference? God is calling you now to do this! Ask God to change your heart so that your desires become his desires. Ask him to show you where he wants you and then GO! Show him that no more will you be on the sidelines but on the front lines taking his message to your world!

Live Boldly,

Chris Benton

Trade-Offs

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Everything in life involves trade-offs. It doesn’t matter how you live your life, you will have trade-offs. Some of them will be easy and some will be hard like for instance, do you trade quality of life for time with family? To me this is an easy one, family first but to most people that is a trade-off they aren’t willing to accept.

This blog entry isn’t about what you should do because that’s between you, your family and God. This is to show you that we all make trade-offs and sometimes these could be life’s biggest decisions.

As you are growing up, you trade doing the wrong things for doing the right things so that your parents give you a little freedom. Every person who was a child completely understands this.

As we get older, we trade living under our parents roof  for moving out so that we can have our freedom but with that also comes responsibility. Some kids would rather stay at their parents house but for the most part this is an acceptable trade-off since it comes with freedom. Freedom is the real trade-off that we deal with all through life.

For instance, when we marry, we trade our single life (Our freedom) for something that is supposed to be magical. For some of us it is very magical but for some it is a nightmare so be careful with this trade-off. We trade making every decision based on self for looking at every decision based on both spouses or at least we are supposed to.

Another big trade off is the career we choose. This is a huge one especially if you have a family. Do you work 60+ hours a week in order to provide the best money can buy or do you work 40 hours a week and live modest so that you can spend quality and quantity time with your family? This is one that people fight with all the time. It is not an easy decision but it is a trade-off. The key is finding the balance that works for your family.

Another trade-off is starting a family. I can tell you that having a baby is a HUGE responsibility. It is very tough at the beginning especially since you are the baby’s full support. The baby is fully dependent on you. It is many sleepless nights so you are giving up more freedom in order to create a legacy.

Where will you live? Close to your family, your spouses family or somewhere in between? This is another difficult trade-off that many things need to be looked at. You may love where you live but if the area is beat up bad because of the economy and it looks like nothing is changing for many years then you may have to consider moving to another city. Yes this is tough too but its a decision that only you, your spouse and God can make.

Now lets get to the biggest trade-off you will ever make in my opinion. When you come to Christ, you are giving up your old self, your old past, and your old behaviors for a new you. You will be creating a new set of behaviors through Christ. There will be things that you did in the past that just don’t interest you anymore. You are saying goodbye to your old life and hello to your new life.

Yes this too is a trade-off but one worth trading. A life of bondage to a life of freedom. Only Christ can free you from your past. Only Christ can free you from your addictions. Only Christ can set you free from everything that holds you back.

When you come to Christ, you are saying that I trust you with my life. I know I won’t be perfect but I trust you will guide me. I may not know where you are leading me at times but I will trust that you will not lead me wrong.

When you have that kind of trust in God, there is no place that God is not willing to take you. God will take you to places that you can only dream of. God will take you as you are but mold you into what you will become tomorrow. Allow God to do this in and through you so that your test in life will ultimately become your testimony.

Are you ready to change your life? Then ask Christ to come into your life and transform you into the person he wants you to become. Ask God to take you to places you have never been so that he can accomplish in and through you only what he can do!

Also ask God to give you the wisdom to make the right choices with the trade-offs of life. This is an important issue that you want to follow where God is leading you not just where you want to go.

There are many other trade-offs that I could mention here but you get the picture. Remember without God we are NOTHING but with God we can be EVERYTHING God created us to be!

Live Boldly,

Chris Benton

Guard Your Heart!

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Why does the Bible talk about Guarding your heart? There are so many issues that come to mind when I think about guarding your heart. It could be from money, it could be from lust, it could be from any kind of addiction. There are so many things that chip away at your heart.

(Proverbs 4:23) – Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life.

When I think about this issue, I don’t think it is talking about not opening your heart to people but to keep your heart guarded. I see many people put a wall around their heart so that no one gets in. Usually this happens because they didn’t guard their hearts in the past and someone walked on it.

There are many things that pull us from God. This is what this verse is about. When life happens, we either move closer to God or pull away whether it is good or bad events.

I have seen people who lost loved ones and you watch how they live, you can tell that their whole life is centered around God and that God is their strength. I have also known others that when tragedy happens, they pull completely from God and some even then blame him. Same situations but different outlooks.

How about money? This is a big one when it comes to guarding your heart. It isn’t that hard to tithe 10% when you are only making $3000 a month. $300 doesn’t sound like much but how about when you are making $20,000 a month? It becomes harder to some people because $2000 a month in tithing seems large even though it is still the same.

It is so easy to start seeing some success to then pull away from God. You start to believe your own lies, that you are self-made or the more successful you become the longer hours you put in. Then over time you are working 80 hours a week and destroying your family in the process.

How about lust? Or just in general pulling away from your marriage because of its mundane daily activity? If you are married, nothing should come between you and your spouse but so many times things do.

Maybe you are watching porn and thinking nothing is wrong with that? Well every time you look at other women that way you are chipping away at your marriage. Every lustful thought becomes planted in your mind. Your wife starts to not look the same to you and others start to look good to you.

It always starts small but eventually you get to the point where you feel like you can’t turn back. Your spouse begins to get on your nerves all the time. They start to sound like your parent because you have dropped your responsibility of the marriage.

Maybe you are starting to spend time with someone of the opposite sex from work or whatever. You start to lean on this person and he or she starts becoming who you lean on when your spouse does something you don’t like. They start telling you that you deserve better because they only hear one side.

Then one thing leads to another and you then claim it was a mistake but in actuality it was no mistake but your choice. In fact there many choices you made throughout that friendship where you could have pulled away because you knew where it was headed.

But you say the grass is greener over there. But that is 100% false. The grass has to be watered no matter where you go so why not water it in your own marriage instead of trying to do it for a new one? Then it becomes a cycle.

What’s my point in all this? All this starts when you start putting God on the back burner. I believe this is why the Bible talks about guarding your heart. God knows that we humans if not guarded, our hearts will start to chip away and become hard. Once your heart hardens then you start to lose compassion for everything.

You then become bitter about life and everyone around you. You claim that you are doing what the Bible says and that is to guard your heart but in reality you are putting a wall up so that you don’t get close to anyone because you are afraid of getting hurt.

I see people who are bitter about life all the time. It is a sad thing when you see this. Life is supposed to be enjoyed. Yes our journey will not always be easy but if God is your strength and not another person then you can make it through anything.

God wants you to rely on him but you have to keep your heart guarded from so many small things in order to stay focused. When you feel your heart leaning away from God, it is time to change your life before you go down a path that you may not like.

Satan loves to keep your heart distracted. With so many things coming at us in this day and time, it is hard for Satan to help keep us distracted. He knows that the only way for us to grow is to keep a connection to God whether it is spiritually, marital, family or whatever. So his goal is to keep us so distracted in life that we lose focus on God.

Ask God to help you stay focused on him no matter what happens in life. Good or bad, your focus is God. Ask him to help you keep your marriage in front of you so that you don’t lose focus in your marriage and also ask him to help you keep your family a priority. It is all about priorities. If we keep this in check, life becomes easier. No matter how hard it may be to keep your priorities in check, you have to do it. But once you make the decision to do it and keep first things first, God will move in and change your life!

Live Boldly,

Chris Benton

One Day at a Time

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No matter what you are doing in life, you have to take things one day at a time. Yes, it is good to know where you are going in the future but you can only focus on today. Today is the day that gets you to tomorrow. Your yesterday is what got you to today.

For all of my past addictions, over 4 years ago when I gave them up, I had to focus one day at a time. If I would have focused too much on getting to a year, I probably would have never made it this far. By focusing on one day at a time, I got to where I am today which is over 4 years sober. It has been great being sober all this time.

Also, my new goal with this blog is to start focusing on one blog a day. I keep saying I am going to do that but never do. Sometimes I feel like I need to be inspired in order to write but what I am finding out is writers write whether they are inspired or not.

My friend, Chuck Balsamo taught me that no matter what we should write something everyday. It doesn’t have to be over 500 words every day. Some days you may write just 1-200 words but still write anyway. He said that when he started writing a blog a day, that changed everything on how he wrote.

I am hoping that by focusing on writing one blog entry a day like he does, it can change how I write too. By staying focused on one day at a time, we can get to a year of blogs. Daily activity is the answer.

What do you need to do in your life but it seems hard? Just remember to focus on one day at a time and you will eventually get there.

I remember Zig Ziglar saying that when he was younger he needed to lose around 35 lbs. He broke it down to how much he needed to lose every day for 10 months. Once he figured that out he could then stay focused on his daily goal in order to hit his 10 month goal.

Planning on writing a book? How many pages will it be? Lets say it will be 180 pages. Lets say you want to have it written in 1 year. That will come out to be around half a page a day to hit your 1 year goal. If each page averages 200 words then if you wrote 100 words of that book daily, your book would be finished in 1 year.

Double that work if you wanted to do it in 6 months. See when you break what you need to do in daily steps, it makes things become easier. As Robert Schuller says, “Inch by inch anything is a cinch but yard by yard it becomes hard”.

As the saying goes, how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time! How do you read the Bible? One verse at a time. If you want to get started in daily reading of the bible, why not start with the book of Proverbs? It has 31 chapters so read the book that corresponds to the day of the month. For example, read chapter 13 on day 13 of the month, read chapter 20 on day 20 of the month etc…

So the next time you are ready to take on any task, think about how long you want to take and break everything down to daily goals so that by focusing on one day at a time, you can eventually get to where you want to go.

Ask God what it is he wants you to do and then break it down to daily goals so that you can accomplish a lot in a short period of time. Stop floundering in this world and focus one day at a time and the day will come where you will not believe how far you actually have come.

Live Boldly,

Chris Benton

Are You a Prisoner?

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We just got through watching a movie called “Firelight” It was a really good movie about a program that helped young women believe in themselves by helping them become firefighters while in prison. This helps them give back before they get put back into society. The goal of this program was to reform their minds into believing that what they did was their old self but now they are no longer that person.

Do you realize that you don’t have to be in prison to actually be a prisoner? Think about this, are you controlled by your fears and doubts or your past? Then you too are a prisoner. We all have situations where we are trapped in our own prison right between our eyes. Our minds is a very powerful thing. We can create some great ideas in our minds or we can use our past against ourselves and create a prison in our own mind.

Many people grow older but few actually own their own mind. When we come to Christ, we are supposed to be a new creation and all the old is washed clean. Are you washed clean? What from your past are you holding on to?

Don’t allow who you used to be to stop you from being who you are today but also don’t allow who you are today to stop you from being who God called you to be tomorrow.

Life is all about growing. We are either growing or we are dying. There is no such thing as stagnation in our journey of life. As soon as you think you are coasting, you are already going downhill because you can only coast downhill.

If you are a prisoner of your mind, then you are no better off than someone who is in prison. You may think but I have my freedom but in reality you don’t have your freedom. Freedom only comes to those who ask and answer questions. If you are following the crowd then you are in their prison.

There are people in prison who may have no freedom but in their minds, they are free. Those are the people that when they get out will live the life God called them to live. We can’t allow our fears and doubts to take our freedom away.

Freedom doesn’t come cheap. You should be willing to pay any price to keep your freedom in your own mind. The only thing that man can’t take away from you is your freedom to think for yourself.

Does this mean if we think for ourselves that with this freedom comes a perfect life? NO WAY! Even Jesus said none of us will have a perfect life. Christ was here to live that perfect life so that we didn’t have to. If we had to none of us would make it into Heaven.

There are some who believe that if we follow Christ then we aren’t thinking for ourselves and that is a cop-out but that is so far from the truth. When you start reading the bible, it starts coming alive. There is so much freedom in living God’s way. God knew this. This is why he tries to guide us if we just listen.

All those things that the bible talks about will create bondage. That is why God tells us how we should live. It is up to us to either live the way God says or not. When we don’t then every desire becomes a prison from money to drugs to drinking to even eating. Everything can become a prison in our mind.

From this point decide that you are going to live in freedom and not be in prison anymore. Allow your mind to be free so that you can live out God’s purpose for your life. When your mind is clear of the clutter, it is easier for you to make quality decisions for your life.

Ask Christ back into your life and to cleanse you right now. Ask him to not only wipe your past clean but to show you how to live with this new attitude. Ask him to show you how to keep your past in the past so that you can live right now.

Live Boldly,

Chris Benton

Wait Until?

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This post is going to go two ways. Have you ever noticed in life that when you are doing something, anything, people will say “Wait Until”.

Like for instance, you are single and people always say wait until you are married. Then you get married and things are great, then people say wait until you have been together 5 years. Then you hit 5 years and people say wait until you get to 10-15 years and so on. Or people say wait until you have kids. Then you have them and they say wait until they are 2 years old. Then it’s wait until they are a teen.

It’s like people want things to be bad for you. I will never understand that part. I know people are trying to warn you but sometimes it can be very negative and if you are not careful, you will allow their wait until to creep into your mind and then it becomes your reality not God’s reality.

The wait until is especially true with kids. It’s like you have your plans and yes you can’t plan everything but you have to have some kind of plan and people just have to tell you how that plan will never work.

One thing we have realized is that if you don’t plan at all you will fall into the trap of allowing everything to happen. In life you can’t do that. Yes planning is good and yes plans fail but you still have to be proactive and create plans because you don’t want to live in just existence.

The other side of the coin is when you say “Wait Until”. For instance, you may say wait until I get out of school, then I will do this. Or wait until all of our finances are just right then we will have that baby. Or wait until I retire, then we will do ______. Or wait until I find that right job then I will get out of debt.

What happens when your wait until becomes 10 years?Then 20? Then 40? What then? All your life you have lived in the wait until while you allowed life to just slip through your hands. Don’t allow this to happen to you. There are many people who wish they would have instead of saying wait until.

Life is already too short anyway so don’t allow another minute to go by without following God’s vision for your life. Don’t allow what others say to stop you in the hunt in your purpose. They aren’t going where you are going. Only you and your spouse can decide where God is leading you. They aren’t God even though they try to be over your life.

If you have kids, then you really can’t allow your wait until to take place or your kids will follow in the same footsteps. You have to be the example for your kids. If you aren’t willing to lead and follow your vision then your kids probably won’t either but if they see you following your vision from God and they see you fall then get back up and go forward in faith again then they too will realize that they can follow whatever vision that God puts in their heart.

Now if you have many wait untils then start now and change the direction in your life. Don’t go another minute before you take your life to Christ and rededicate it to him. Allow Christ to replace your heart so that you can see God’s vision for your life. You never want to follow just any vision but God’s vision for you.

Remember though, never allow who you think you are to stop you from becoming who God called you to become. Now go out and change the world by changing your heart so you can change your world first!

Live Boldly,

Chris Benton

Has Serving Become an Entitlement?

You may be asking yourself how can severing God be an entitlement? That would be a great question but it does happen. When you serve whether it is on missions, in your church or whatever the place, some privileges come with it sometimes. Sometimes it becomes a self-serving thing.

Like for instance, I have to be careful because I sometimes catch myself doing this. I serve at my church and because of that I get to go in the church earlier than most people since I am setting things up. I caught myself frustrated the other day when our church was having a marriage conference and my wife and I had to stand in line.

It took me a little time to realize WHOA, I have made serving become an entitlement. It happens to everyone if you are not careful. There are so many things I could bring up here that go along with this.

Maybe you feel that you are above people because you serve and maybe they don’t? Maybe you don’t consciously feel thatway but your subconscious does. That is also a form of entitlement.

Maybe you have been coming to your church for years, have sat in the same seats for years and you do your part in the church so you feel that no one should sit where you sit and you get mad if someone does? Again, a sense of entitlement!

Maybe you have been coming to your church for years so you feel that your ideas should be looked at first? This actually happens a lot and then when the church doesn’t go with their ideas, they leave the church. A HUGE entitlement mentality.

Maybe you give the most in your church or at least you think you do so you feel that the church owes recognition to you. If they don’t acknowledge you then you leave.

There are so many more that I could talk about here but I think you get the point. If something isn’t your way then you get upset. All of these situations are a form of entitlement and they have no place in the church.

It’s all about you. The attention has to be on you. You serve for recognition not because of your love for Christ. Yes we all need to be recognized but whether that happens or not should not affect your serving.

So the next time you catch yourself with the pity me attitude because things aren’t my way at church, REPENT immediately so that you can get your heart right again. I think no matter who you are this is something we will all have to deal with for the rest of our lives. It is just human nature. It is not of God but a form of self worship.

Christ doesn’t love us more because we serve, he already loves us. Christ loves us no matter what and he proved that already by dying for us on the Cross. Some people think it’s works that get the love of Christ but that just isn’t true. If you believe that then your heart will have an entitlement mentality. There is no way around that. Drop that belief now so that you can keep your heart on it’s rightful focus and that is on Christ.

Now go our and serve from your heart with zero expectations and watch what what God will do in and through you!

Live Boldly,

Chris Benton

Unlock Your Potential

Imagine if you could accomplish everything God called you to accomplish? We all can but we don’t realize it. So many times we look at life and create excuses to not do much with life. What is holding you back? What is it going to take to unlock your potential so that you can become all that God called you to be.

Let me clarify something, this does not mean that in order to create your full potential, you have to work 80 hours a week. I believe that is not of God especially if you are married and have a family. There is no way for you to work that without sacrificing your family.

Those of you that read my posts, you all know where I stand on being so career focused that you lose touch with your family and reality. Your potential has way more to do with your overall living than it has to do with your career.

Yes, you can focus on only your career and you have so much potential you would not know what to do. Yes you will accomplish many great things but at you also are sacrificing your family in the process. I see many people do this and call it in the name of God.

So what am I talking about? I am talking about creating balance in your life so that family gets a priority. There are many things you can do to make your career work off 40 hours a week. They say the average person doesn’t really work but 6 hours a day when you add all the non-productive things people do with their days.

Imagine what you could do if you just decided to focus 8 hours a day on your career but in those 8 hours, you really focused so that when its time to be with your family, you will be with your family?

You can truly do that if you learn to focus on the right things. Focus is everything. Without focus you will never accomplish anything in your life. Focusing on first things first is all about prioritizing your life. You have to decide what is important, what is needed and what really doesn’t matter.

Once you have decided on that then you might want to consider dropping most of what doesn’t matter so that you can stay focused on the important things. Life is short but we can still create a balanced life if we choose the right things to focus on.

Maybe a part of your life is your lifestyle is bigger than you should have at your level of income? Maybe it is time for you to downgrade your lifestyle for a bit? This may not be permanent but for now you have to set priorities. Creating a balanced life takes tons of focus but in the long run you can do it.

By pulling all this together and keeping your life simple, you will be able to unlock your full potential as a child of God, a parent, a spouse and whatever other roles you have to play in your life.

Remember unlocking your potential isn’t about money but about quality of life and to have quality of life involves being focused so that you bring forward the most important things to you first.

Ask God to help you decide what is truly important and what is not that important. Sometimes you have to sacrifice your career some so that your family can be in balance but you should never sacrifice your family so that your career can blossom.

So the next time you look at your life and think about your potential, just ask yourself, am I keeping my life focused so that I can accomplish what I need to in the shortest time possible so that I can balance my time with my family? It’s all about priorities.

This may sound impossible to do but with God all things are possible!

Live Boldly,

Chris Benton